When your child is really young, they’ll unconsciously tell you about every single bump, bruise and boo-boo. But by the time they get to their tweens or teens, single syllable answers like “fine” and “OK” can easily replace the nuanced details they used to share about the day’s personal dealings.

 Joshua Srebnick, a child psychologist in New York City explains that “Between 11 and 14 “It’s a profound time of identity formation, where they start to rely on their peer groups and pull away from some of the ways of the past to become their own person.” Also, around the age of 12 and 13, most kids no longer feel the need to give you the play-by-play of the day. And so this is the birth of one-word answers.

 So how’s a parent to keep the lines of communications open when their teen starts shutting them out?

START YOUNG: It’s much easier to keep the lines of communication open with your child if open communication has always been big in your home.

GO WHERE THEY GO: According to Yalda T. Uhls, child psychologist “Text, Snapchat or other Social Media Platforms are great ways to have a quick catch up with your kids and even talk about sensitive topics they may not feel comfortable talking to you about in person.”

DON’T OFFER SOLUTIONS: When our kids open up, solutions or comparisons to our own lives can fall on deaf ears “When we do that, we stop the flow of communication because we tell our kids they aren’t allowed to have their own feelings.”

ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS: If your kid has something to confess, or something a little more serious than the everyday social scuffles, what your child needs most is an advocate. “They already feel bad and scared. Ask questions, but not loaded questions, about what they’re feeling, not what they did.

ROAD TRIPS: If you’re feeling disengaged with your kid, a road trip can do wonders to get them chatting. “If confined to a car, at some point, your child will talk to you.”

HAVE THEIR BACK: “Sometimes, something happens or something is activated in our tweens and teens where they really need to talk and the levee just breaks.”  “If you talk to any preteen or teen, they feel so good when they’re good, and so bad when they're bad. It’s hard for them to self-regulate and find lukewarm water.” Just be cautioned this might not be the new normal and your kid might resume their typical reserve, and that’s OK, too.

We aren’t going to always be there to fix things for our children, but if given a chance, most eventually learn how to themselves. BUT, for those times when all else fails, Gobi can help. We help parents meet teens on their level—using a tool they already have in hand. (Literally.) Our revolutionary mobile-based application turns a cell phone into a parent’s best ally. It's Time to Take the First Step. Reach out to us now.